luciab | negativity

I don't know if this is another revelation (and so soon after the others!) but I realized today that negativity presents itself all the time. I don't have to reach out or seek it out, it's always nearby. It doesn't have to be stated outright, no comment needs to be made; I just automatically compare myself to expectations and always come up short. Not efficient enough, not tidy enough, not thrifty enough, not perceptive enough, not productive enough. Unfotunately, to avail myself of positive attitudes requires a little more work, a little more effort, making a call to see if someone can go out or do something together. And since other people have other things to do, it isn't always going to be convenient or work out. You'd think that after all these years I'd have learned that I can live my own life and do a decent job of it, without depending on someone else's approval. Or do we need approval for all our lives? God knows, some people seem to think the sun rises and sets out of their own behinds and it never occurs to them that the rest of the world may have a different solar system. I wonder if it makes them happier, or do they just have a different set of worries? One thing I have noticed is that being absolutely sure that there's only one right way to do everything, and you know what that way is, and that there are no grays in the world, does not seem to guarantee happiness. Odd, that.

negativity

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