slog, slog

I finally managed to get the tests from both study guides installed on my decripit PC. I didn't realize how decripit it was till I tried to install these things. It took forever.

Last night I had given up on getting them to work on my computer and went to L's house to do them on her computer. Alas, 'twas not a happy thing. When I am studying and have just finished a whole section of square roots in fractions or some damn thing, it's still fresh enough in my head that I can muddle through. Give me time to forget, however, and my brain will happily slough off anything so esoteric.

The bad news is that I only got about 2/3 done with the math test I took, and got half of the questions I answered wrong. The good news is that I got half of them right. What I did find reassuring, though, is that the test just kept plugging along and never once put up windows with flags flying and people pointing at me laughing because I screwed up. I knew I got one of them wrong, however, when it sent me the same question back with different numbers. This is the first computer adaptive test I've taken, and it's a bit unnerving. I keep wishing I could skip the question I don't know and try to come back to it later. (As if, in the meanwhile, the heavens will open, trumpets will sound, and angels will unfurl a banner showing me the right way to do the problem.)

I had a "click" moment last night (that would be an epiphany for those of you who prefer exactitude to jargon) when I said somsething about "the only chance I'll have to take the test" and L said "The first time." And looked at me hopefully, waiting for me to get it. I stared at her stupidly for a moment. What does she mean, the FIRST time? Like I'm going to have to take it AGAIN? And then it hit me. I've always been a good test taker, and passed even the four-day architecture exam the first time. I mean, that's what my teachers at UK expected me to do, and that's what I did. I expect to be able to do that with everything academic and test oriented. Facts and reality have nothing to do with inner expectations, and no one's ever as hard on me as I am on myself.

So, I'm off to review the basic stuff again, hoping it sticks long enough to actually use on a test. Especially the real one. I may have to carry a brown paper bag to breathe into until the test-- you know, during those random anxiety attacks. This'd be a good time to have that old T-shirt I used to have.... "Free-floating anxiety." Heh.

yee-haw!

I just had a very productive session of test practice. I dunno whether this was just an easier test or whether I'm starting to catch on to this... we'll go with the catching on theory right now, I think. Heh. Anyway, I had only been getting about 2/3 of the way through and this time I got 27 of 30 done. And I got a noticeably higher percentage right, too! I even made progress on the problem solving ones, which are my worst nightmare. There's definitely a gap in that part of my brain-- cause and effect, analysis, you know. Not so much with that. That's going to be my biggest problem on the writing part, too. I can grammar the heck out of whatever I write, I just usually have a problem coming up with coherently stated reasons to bolster whatever position I have to take.

I went out for a haircut this morning. I swear, I must find a better stylist that I can afford. I have a guy that I love, but he charges over 5 times what the cheap place does, so he's out of my price range right now. The woman I keep getting at the cheap place, though... clueless doesn't begin to cover it. If it's not on a page in her book, it's not doable. I finally settled on something just to get it over with, but I ain't thrilled. It is better than the last one, though. At least this time I might be able to live with it while it grows out a bit, and then find a medium-priced cut somewhere. (Okay, median between those two extremes.... AAAAARRRGH!! Help! Get me out of test mode!!)

I've just today really paid attention to the results of Katrina. It's incomprehensible. I remember the dazed feeling I had after Fran, and I still had my house, my husband and cats, and all my belongings, for the most part intact. Today I was unfortunate enough to turn on the TV to CNN just as Shrub gave his little pep talk. I had just read Marn's diary and I could feel my stomach turn when I saw him. It was a completely visceral response. His speech was, of course, immediately followed by news of the rising gas prices. What with one thing and another, I was in dire need of comfort and fled to the kitchen to make pudding. (I started to write, "I was so upset I had to go make pudding" but somehow... it just didn't sound right.) There I stood, stirring away, feeling guilty as hell for not being able to do anything and worrying about taking a test while all those people are homeless, and will be for untold lengths of time. And I kept thinking of songs about New Orleans.

Surprisingly, it was after that long sojourn into reality that I did so well on the practice test. Go figure. I was lucky, though, in that Tuneless Boy didn't start "playing" whatever the hell instrument he plays until after I finished taking the test and reviewing the answers. He was sounding better tonight, though. It's a miracle, praise be.

I'm going to go in the other room (away from the "music",) take a migraine pill, and crawl into bed with a mystery. The kind I can enjoy, not the kind with X's and Y's. And maybe Miranda will sit in my lap for awhile. She's actually done that twice today, for the first time in forever. Teenagers, you know.