sigh.

[luciab]

I think my test went okay this morning. There were some words I couldn't find and sort of puzzled out from the rest of the story, but on the whole I think it was okay.

Not so okay is what I heard from my brother Danny, who is now in Richmond. Seems that twice now Daddy has actually gotten out of bed by himself and managed, via wheelchair or walker, to get to the bathroom by himself. Mother took a nap and when she woke up Daddy mentioned it to her. Another time, he was so determined to get up that Danny and Mother wound up helping him to the bathroom, sans walker. The worst part is that Mother was on his weak side. He still can't lift up his left foot, so was dragging it along. Danny rang for staff to help but they didn't get there quickly enough for Daddy, and he by god wasn't going to wait. The staff person finally arrived while he was in there and her attitude was apparently along the lines of "Good job!" I guarandamntee you that the PT person does NOT know about this.

It is ridiculous that Mother is insisting on staying with him, since she is either asleep or so distracted by her puzzles or letters or whatever she's doing that she never notices that he's getting out of bed. The PT told him that he shouldn't use the walker without staff assistance, so Daddy seems to think that means if he can get around any other way, it's okay. And Mother is what sleep Mother IS getting is while she's sitting up on an armchair. Don't you know that's good for her head and back?

I don't have any idea how to convey to him how dangerous this is. He is so damn stubborn, and has been so independent that he absolutely won't admit to himself or anyone else that he might need help.

Edit: We just had a family pow-wow via cell phones. Danny did find Mother's cell phone, so she won't be totally incommunicado. He's also taking in Daddy's TV so they'll be able to watch the news and such-- the one in the room didn't work at all. They are also considering asking for a bed alarm-- at this point none of us have any hope that it would actually cause staff member(s) to come see what's happening, but it might help remind Daddy to at least ask for help. And Mother is going to ask Dr Gillespie to talk to Daddy and explain that he WILL be going home but needs to be able to walk safely, and that is just a matter of getting some strength back. Man, I hope some of this works.

Comments

[skippyclese.livejournal.com]

I sounds like he needs to be told that, either he relies on other people for help now, or he'll have to rely on them for the rest of his life. The real trouble is make sure that he believes it _emotionally_, not just intellectually.

It also sounds like something that the PT person needs to know. They're used to this kind of attitude and can play bad cop when needed. The PT person maybe should talk to the staff as well to make sure they are all sending the same message. If the PT person is saying one thing and the staff is saying something else, he'll end up listening to the one he wants to, not necessarily the one he needs to.

Its hard to be the family member that isn't on the scene at times like this. I've done it. The best thing you can do (both for your dad and for yourself) is to keep in contact with everyone including his doctors and the staff. They may be limited in what they can tell you by professional ethics, but at least you can make sure everyone is working with the same information.

[luciab.livejournal.com]

Good point. I've been thinking about how to talk to his PT. The more I find out about the place the less faith I have that I'd ever be able to actually talk to him; I think he'd be very helpful if he knew.

[skippyclese.livejournal.com]

Maybe find out when the PT is scheduled to be there and call then?

[luciab.livejournal.com]

Not to be too cynical or anything but I doubt they'd let him call me long distance even if he does get the message. I'm so used to cell phones that I forget that land lines aren't as forgiving. I will talk to Mother and try to get her to talk to him.

[luciab.livejournal.com]

I just talked to Mother again. She said she has already told the PT about one of Daddy's excursions. Daddy said "Well, I used the wheelchair" and the PT said "How did you get to the wheelchair?" aned Daddy said "Ummmm... with the walker?" and Mother shook her head "no" to the PT. So he does know now. That's all we can do, I guess, till Mother talks to their doctor on Monday.